We said good-bye to Kitty on Friday. Though both our cats are seniors, Kitty was the oldest of the two. She was the cuddliest of the two, the bossiest of the two and in the end, the most difficult of the two.
Kitty & Bug
My head has been a big pile of empty mush. I’m happy one minute, sad and confused the next. Below is an attempt at jotting down some of the thoughts that are moving like a freight train through my head.
I think about how I discovered Kitty and Bug, by chance. I think about the many homes they had until they landed me. I think about how my parents thought I was crazy for taking in two cats who were seniors. I think about my life with them being as old as my relationship with my husband, Jason. I think about how Jason, in the beginning, thought I was making a rash decision. I think about how Jason, in the end, had a harder time with the decision to put Kitty down.
I think about how the cats, once the center of attention and affection, got pushed down the totem pole when we rescued our dog, Ella, and then again, when our son Mylo joined us this past summer. I think about how Kitty liked to sleep in my underwear drawer. I think about how Jason called her my sapphic lover because of this. I think about how she used to groom herself in the morning sun on the balcony in our old apartment. I think about how she stopped grooming herself months ago. I think about our traumatic trips to the vet. I think about the time she knocked over a can of Pounce, pried it open with her paws and devoured the entire thing. I think about how, declawed and all, she stood up to every rescue pitbull who passed through our home.
Kitty with prey-driven Lucy at left and her sister Ella on the right.
I think about how difficult life had become since she became hyperthyroid. I think about the senility and the incessant howling in the middle of the night. I think about the baby gate we bought to lock her in the living room overnight. I think about how frustrated I had become with her these last few months. I think about how she went to sleep behind my head on top of my pillows her last night, seemingly unaware that a vet would be coming to our home to take her life the next morning. I think about how I didn’t sleep at all that night.
Cuddling together in 6C-North.
I think about how much I’ve missed her. The old her.
Happier and healthier days in 5G-South.
I think about how our family is one less, now, and how life will be easier without her. And of course I think about how that makes me feel riddled with guilt.
I’m so, so sorry who hear about Kitty! Isn’t it odd how our pets become our children so quickly. I know you will have an empty spot in your heart. But I also know that Kitty is resting and not sick anymore. Kitty is back to her old self and she is playing in kitty heaven. *hugs* to you.
In my line of rescue work and even with my own past pets, that was not the first time I had to make that awful decision. But nevertheless, it certainly felt like the first. Saying good-bye is so tough. Thank you for your virtual hugs, means a lot. ~Ree
This is a beautiful remembrance of Kitty. She sounds like a firecracker! The Pounce story made me laugh out loud. And the picture of her next to Lucy and Ella says so much about her personality.
I am so sorry that things were so difficult in the end. To go through all of that, while caring for a baby with sleep challenges of his own, must have been exhausting. Thinking of you as you grieve this loss.
(By the way – how are things going with Mylo? Is he sleeping any better?)
Yes, Kitty was one sassy lady. Her last year was especially difficult and once Mylo got here I started to feel like I had become one of those people who turns on their pets because they had a baby. But she was physically and mentally a mess and just because she wasn’t at death’s door doesn’t mean it was fair of us to keep her alive like we had been. Since she has been gone, Mylo has slept every night straight through from 7:30/8 to 4:30/5. We then do some breakfast in bed and we all doze off again until 7. We’re only in a one bedroom apartment so even though poor Kitty spent nights out in the living room alone we all used to wake to her howling. Kitty’s absence is missed AND appreciated, and it’s that part that I feel guilt over the most.
The next step is to get baby boy into his own bedroom! Hopefully by this summer… thanks for your sweet note. Have D&I been giving you any shuteye of your own? ~Ree
Sounds like Mylo is doing much better at night! That’s wonderful news!!
We are still having major sleep issues. I’m trying to look on the bright side…Doodle is so active during the day that we don’t get to cuddle much. So I’m focusing on thinking about our nights as opportunities for cuddles that I don’t get during the day now.
I’m exhausted, but I’ve been enjoying it more. Oh, and we’ve discovered 30 Rock in Netflix, which has also been a help!
Apartment hunting!! FUN! I hope you find a place you really like, that also fits your needs!